No doubt our world is in utter turmoil. Almost every day we are assaulted with negative images that we can’t seem to escape. It is challenging to keep our spirits up and not succumb to fear or hate. People are fighting, cultures are clashing and I’m only talking about dating!
Everywhere I turn I hear someone conversing about this subject and inevitably the tone is one saturated with disdain, although I question why. With the exception of a few indignations along the way, my dating experiences were filled with a myriad of positives.
The first was composing my personal profile. I quickly became adept at developing creative fiction after discovering that most people offer at least a tad of embellishment. Clearly I had plenty of company.
In sharing e-mails with potential suitors I was able to almost perfect writing at a 10th grade level. Research shows (yes really) that pushing a pencil to the age group between 16 and 20 makes it likelier that a person will finish the story rather than just briefly scanning and moving on.
Another plus with dating was the fact that LA has innumerable offerings in art, food, entertainment and more; I chose to see this as an invite for me to crawl out of my rut, throw caution to the wind, and travel out of my personal Mayberry.
Not that I am superficial but in the beginning my knee jerk reaction was to dismiss guys I didn’t consider to be positively dreamy. This limited me from countless possibilities I didn’t know existed. The idea of cruising even a fraction beyond initial physical attraction was something I hadn’t previously considered. After shifting my perspective and becoming more open minded I met some of the most compelling men in LA. These included a Rabbi who was exceptionally enlightening, an opera singer who was always practicing his vocal warmups and a charming though exceedingly narcissistic professor of medicine. Also part of the mix was a Jungian therapist greatly in need of his own, a magician interested in my being his professional sidekick and at least ten engineers, two of whom were actually stimulating. Only in the online dating universe could I have access to this variety of men in such an abbreviated time span.
Of course there were a few bumps in the road worth noting like my receiving several e-mails that were anything but pleasant. I ended up contacting the dating “police” to have a couple of men blocked for verbiage that in any other world could be construed as sexual harassment. I also sat through a few evenings of endless drudging monologues. After a bit of practice, I thankfully was able to let go of my self imposed obligation to endure. What a relief!
What I continue to learn is that there is a natural progression in all relationships and our template for success is the way we communicate. Listening, asking timely questions and practicing the art of negotiation are but a few tools that can help us develop a loving partnership. Looks like this dating format is here to stay so we might as well lighten up. A favorite quote by Sean O’Casey is “laughter is wine for the soul.” Sounds good to me….