Two weeks ago a friend of mine wanted to pick my brain regarding entering the online dating world after being married for twelve years and divorced for two. Looking like a wide eyed doe, she listened intently while I offered the short version of what she might expect in the early stages of the process. I stated the possibility of immediate success and bliss and the probability of exactly the opposite.
She asked how difficult it had been to for me to compile my profile. I didn’t miss a beat and announced that it had been positively daunting. Nice move on my part…I took a stroll down memory lane and recollected how challenging and time consuming my construction project had been.
I was convinced I needed to state every positive trait a human being could possess and somehow distill it down to a single paragraph. I featured myself as the following: honest, sensitive, athletic, funny, a skillful listener, sweet, happy, positive, easygoing, kind, loyal, affectionate, sexy, secure, open minded and ready for love. No problem; I exhibit at least two of these qualities…sometimes. It seemed, however, that every other person online shared all of my attributes. Fancy that!
Seriously, completing my profile did require an investment of time as well as several sessions of “tweaking.” What I can and will say is that it was absolutely worth my effort. I received wonderful feedback from people in both my dating and personal world.
I am often asked for advice as to what should be included or excluded from a dating profile. Here are a few suggestions…
-Don’t state what you dislike in a man/woman. Statements that are listed as “absolutes” will not work in your favor. “I don’t date guys who watch football all weekend” is a prime time example.
-Try not to box yourself in. Make certain your verbiage sounds confident rather than needy. An offering like “I can’t wait to hear from you soon” can make people hyperventilate and run.
-Be careful of writing too much content. Men are visual creatures and often just scan a profile to see what jumps out at them. Women have a tendency to go over profiles with a fine tooth comb.
-Create a cohesive structure in your writing. Small paragraphs are more appealing than a thesis. Either “bullet” your information or have space between your paragraphs.
-No sexual photos; believe it or not, imagination still prevails. -Offer statements people can identify with. An example could be “what I love about Los Angeles is…” Have your writing give the impression that life with you will be exciting and filled with adventure.
-Be wary of sarcasm. Sometimes what we think is funny ends up reading as cynical. Be positive and upbeat.
-Finally, and of the utmost importance, DON’T press “send” until you have used spellcheck! This is a one shot deal. Make it count. Next time I will talk about photos…you will laugh out loud...