top of page

The First Order of Business in Online Dating is...


The 2nd in a series of my South Pasadena Review (newspaper) column...

The first order of business of online dating is choosing a site. Your

initial instinct might be to think “how difficult could this be?” Please

squash that belief before it develops into anything concrete. I sat down

one afternoon (which turned into a week) determined to get a handle

on dating websites so I could make an educated choice as to which

was most suited to me. I don't want to send you running into the hills

but here is just a thumbnail of offerings that exist. There are sites for

every age, religion, color, weight, and sexual orientation. Searching for

a millionaire or a “foodie” or a wine connoisseur? Absolutely. Vegans,

those who suffer from allergies or have a passion for cats will, of

course, have options. The “not to be believed” sites include one that

requires you take an IQ test in order to be considered and another that

specifically targets “ugly” people. There is also one for those looking

for an individual who still has a mullet (sadly most of us still know

someone sporting this unfortunate hairstyle.) The end all and be all is

a site to communicate with an inmate (I do not lie.) I could go on…but

you get the gist.

I don’t think I am qualified to advise on subjects that relate to prison

but perhaps I can offer a few tips about how to choose the most

promising site for you. First of all, define for yourself what you are

seeking at this time of your life. Do you want a casual relationship,

marriage or something in between? How much time are you willing to

invest in answering questions and creating a comprehensive profile?

Do you mind paying money for access to a website or do you think

searching for love should be free? Ask people you know which sites

they have had most success with and why. Make a list of the traits

you desire in a partner and prioritize them. Cross-reference these

features with sites that are most likely to meet your needs.

There are approximately 2500 online dating sites so dropping a few

names here wouldn’t even begin to cover the particulars. No wonder

people want to quit before they begin!

I suggest you set aside a bit of quality time and do some research.

Choose five to ten sites that seem promising. Stay focused so as not

to become flustered or overwhelmed. The amount of choices and

information can be blinding.

Sign up for two or three sites (not ten) and give it a week or two to

evaluate what is or isn’t working. Once you have created a fabulous

profile you will be able to use it anytime (I will offer some pointers on

that subject next time.) Pace yourself and your expectations. This is a

brand new world and it is imperative you give yourself a realistic

learning curve.

Think of dating as an investment in your future and ultimately as an


Shoot me some questions and I will ricochet some answers…

bottom of page