The First Order of Business in Online Dating is...
The 2nd in a series of my South Pasadena Review (newspaper) column...
The first order of business of online dating is choosing a site. Your
initial instinct might be to think “how difficult could this be?” Please
squash that belief before it develops into anything concrete. I sat down
one afternoon (which turned into a week) determined to get a handle
on dating websites so I could make an educated choice as to which
was most suited to me. I don't want to send you running into the hills
but here is just a thumbnail of offerings that exist. There are sites for
every age, religion, color, weight, and sexual orientation. Searching for
a millionaire or a “foodie” or a wine connoisseur? Absolutely. Vegans,
those who suffer from allergies or have a passion for cats will, of
course, have options. The “not to be believed” sites include one that
requires you take an IQ test in order to be considered and another that
specifically targets “ugly” people. There is also one for those looking
for an individual who still has a mullet (sadly most of us still know
someone sporting this unfortunate hairstyle.) The end all and be all is
a site to communicate with an inmate (I do not lie.) I could go on…but
you get the gist.
I don’t think I am qualified to advise on subjects that relate to prison
but perhaps I can offer a few tips about how to choose the most
promising site for you. First of all, define for yourself what you are
seeking at this time of your life. Do you want a casual relationship,
marriage or something in between? How much time are you willing to
invest in answering questions and creating a comprehensive profile?
Do you mind paying money for access to a website or do you think
searching for love should be free? Ask people you know which sites
they have had most success with and why. Make a list of the traits
you desire in a partner and prioritize them. Cross-reference these
features with sites that are most likely to meet your needs.
There are approximately 2500 online dating sites so dropping a few
names here wouldn’t even begin to cover the particulars. No wonder
people want to quit before they begin!
I suggest you set aside a bit of quality time and do some research.
Choose five to ten sites that seem promising. Stay focused so as not
to become flustered or overwhelmed. The amount of choices and
information can be blinding.
Sign up for two or three sites (not ten) and give it a week or two to
evaluate what is or isn’t working. Once you have created a fabulous
profile you will be able to use it anytime (I will offer some pointers on
that subject next time.) Pace yourself and your expectations. This is a
brand new world and it is imperative you give yourself a realistic
Think of dating as an investment in your future and ultimately as an
Shoot me some questions and I will ricochet some answers…