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Testing The Waters (in the dating world)

Article for Column (on dating) in South Pasadena Review - March 17, 2016:

You have just turned 30 or 40 or 50. In Los Angeles few people admit to being older than that. You have decided you want a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. You briefly entertain the notion of on line dating and decide it is probably preferable to die alone.

After being solitary for whatever period of time feels inordinately excessive, you revisit the idea of death versus dating, weighing out the “pros” and “cons.” The "pros" category takes but a moment to identify as there is only one, the possibility you might actually meet someone you like. The “cons” however, clearly outweigh the “pro’s." You don't even know exactly what they are, but based on the stories you have heard, you know there are many. You assess the situation further and realize that you still have a modicum of hope for your future and the single "pro" tips the scale. You decide it is time to take the plunge into the world of human technology.

It is an unfortunate reality these days that, if you want to meet someone new, you will have the best chance through on line dating. There are more than 54 million singles in our country and over 48 million have tried this form of “exploration." While those numbers are positively daunting, they are also in your favor. Perhaps in the vast sea of humanity you might just get lucky. My mother always told me "in real estate and finding a partner it only takes one." This simple statement always seemed to give me both comfort and perspective.

I have floated in and out of the dating world for several years. Initially I found the experience exhilarating. After a few days I was completely overwhelmed which quickly turned into sheer exhaustion. Week two had me questioning if my formerly intact ego could possibly survive another day. I ended up finding the entire scene hateful and, like many people I know, was ready to bail. Maybe I would buy a dog instead. After all, they offer unconditional love with virtually no effort on the owner’s part and I could keep my ego to boot.

It became painfully evident that both my approach to and experience with the dating process was not working. Being a Life Coach, I have had numerous clients with relationship challenges. For some reason I wasn’t having much success in my own endeavor. One would think it would be instinctive for me to have a more positive spin with the process. Clearly this was not the case. I decided to “coach” myself, shake things up a bit and create a different outcome where I would have at least a smidgen of pleasure. I studied, asked questions, read books and blogs, listened to podcasts and, of course, dated. Three years later I have many tips, tools and answers as to how to navigate your way through the whacky world of internet dating. Stay tuned until next month when I will offer topics (like what to do and not to do when creating a profile or how to make certain the first date turns into a second one…) Trust me, this world is fun!

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